So once again, I found myself falling for a guy.

And once again, that guy just ended up finding a girlfriend. I'm not supposed to talk about it, but here's my mindless ranting.















Ignore this.






I don't get it. Every. single. time. I 'like' someone, they find someone else... didn't they make a movie like that? Seriously?!

And I'm still reeling from Mikel. So it's not like this is the dagger to my chest or whatever from the 'mikel incident' as I've come to call it... It just stings a little. I didn't sleep last night because I was up thinking about it.

I'm scared shitless I'm going to lose him as a friend, and while he's promised that won't happen, GUESS WHAT. Mikel did too.

So here I am, unsure about myself, boys, and every other thing single girls like me worry about. I have absolutely NO idea what I'm supposed to do now. I want to tell him the truth, that I do actually 'like-like' him, but... it's kind of late. And if he didn't pick up on it this summer, not even me like... tied to his bed with a sign that screams "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!" would make him notice.

He spent the entire summer trying to not lead me on, and I don't think he did. I'm just at the point I was when we were first friends. Giggly best friend who kind of likes him but isn't sure.

YAY INSTABILITY. [/sarcasm]

I fucking hate it when guys send texts that say "Would you be mad if I said I'm not single?"

Seriously. It's like they're ashamed or something. And why the fuck would i be mad? I mean... I am, but that's not the reason...

I'm scared for him. He's been hurt a lot by girls, and while he might know this chick, I DON'T. I don't trust her as far as I can throw her. I'm fairly certain of who it is-he never actually told me- and I swear to god if I lose my best friend to her and her RELIGION, I'm going to shoot something. (That being said, I'm still the good little catholic girl I once was.)

I'm mad at him. But I'm not. I'm in fucking LIMBO over a guy I once swore I would NEVER EVER EVER like.

but he's like... amazing. Cute, strong... Nice. Respectable. Like... there are very, very few guys that I know that I can honestly say my father LIKES having around. He's the only guy my dad ever lets stay here past midnight or one or two in the morning. I mean, come on. He sent me some very, very mixed messages, and now I'm confused.


Yet I'm not hurting that bad. I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to tell anyone, either... well, you all... but point is, I'm not as miserable as I could be.

So even now I'm confused about my emotional state.



Woopdefuckingdoo.